Dungeons – PC Review

  • “Hello Doctor.”

“Oh hello, you must be Mr. Deimos? Please come in and lie down on this comfortable looking sofa.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Now, Mr. Deimos, tell me what the problem is.”

“Well,Doctor. I was once the prince of all Dungeon Lords, I had a beautiful dungeon, full of treasures and exquisite instruments of torture, modestly located in the lowest circle of hell, but now I’ve lost it all and it’s all down to my no good, dirty, rotten, scheming ex-girlfriend, Calypso. May she burn in the fires of doom!”

“I see. Well, Mr. Deimos, why don’t we start from the beginning and I’ll ask any questions that I think will shed some light on your predicament. Would it also help if I mention at this point that Dungeons is in fact developed by Realmforge Game Studios and Kalypso Media?”

“Calypso!”

“No, this one is spelt with a ‘K’. Now let’s get comfy and begin at the beginning.”

“Okay Doctor. Well as I said, Prince of all Dungeon Lords, doing pretty good for myself. Nice dungeon, lots of servants and the best looking looking girlfriend in all of hell. Then one day my advisor, Mr. Sidekick entered the throne room and accused Calypso of trying to overthrow me. Naturally I didn’t believe him, he is only a Goblin after all, then the treacherous winged Calypso went and opened up the entrances of the dungeon to the outside world and lured in heroes in search of fame and fortune. How could she do this to me? The heroes marched into my beautiful dungeon and forced me out. Now I’m nothing, stripped of my former glory and relegated to the bottom division of the dungeon league. But I will have my revenge, I will regain my former glory and seek revenge on the vile Calypso.”

“Well, that’s good Mr. Deimos, you have set yourself a target. Tell me more about Mr. Sidekick, what’s his role in this story of yours?”

“Mr. Sidekick, he’s a goblin, small, green, looks like Master Yoda and lurches around like Charles Laughton’s now legendary portrayal of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He’s helpful, gave me plenty of advice, especially at the beginning of all this. In fact, he’s quite invaluable, always ready for a quip and a derogatory remark bless his smelly little Goblin skin. I think I’ll give him an extra beating when I get back, that will make his day. In truth, I don’t know where I’d be without his help and tutorials.”

“So he’s a kind of in-built tutorial system that aids you in the various missions you have to perform to complete your quest.”

“Errmm. Yes I suppose so, doctor.”

“Do you get to control him at all during this game?”

“Game? What are you on about? And no, only at the beginning to get used to the controls. After that it’s just me.”

“When I say game, I just mean that your life may appear as a nicely drawn 3D RPG/RTS, much like the Dungeon Keeper games from Bullfrog.”

“Oh, okay. Well it’s not. In my Dungeons you have to build a kind of heroes theme park. Quite simply, you lure the heroes in, give them gold to gather, beasts to fight, rooms to explore, make them feel like they are doing something worthwhile by stopping evil. Then, when they are at their happiest, beat them to within an inch of their lives, drag them off to the torture chambers and bleed every ounce of their Soul Energy which is vital to the expansion and building of new dungeons. It’s all about waiting for that perfect moment when they are ready to be harvested. Pure evil, yet very satisfying.”

“It sounds like thoroughly good fun. Tell me, how many levels of this kind of, Theme Park-esque, building do you have to do before you are once again at the top of hell?”

“Well, interesting you should say that Doctor as the lower in hell’s heirachy you are the closer you are to the human world. To reach my former station, I will have to battle through twenty campaign missions, go up against Dungeon Lords who are currently higher than myself such as the Zombie King or the rather bad tempered Minos and lure in up to ten different types of hero class. Basically, the higher up the rankings of hell, the further down I get, if you see what I mean?

“I do, Mr. Deimos. Incidentally, what kind of entertainment can you put in your dungeon to lure these heroes with?”

“Well, I can plant treasure, gimmicks, fountains of blood, severed heads, that kind of thing. But I can also send the Goblins out to build different rooms, a library, a monster pit and, of course, the torture chambers. I can summon various beasts to do battle with the heroes but I want the heroes to win, so I can sap their vital juices.”

“Hmm, and no one comes to rescue the heroes once they are languishing in your torture chambers and you are draining them of Soul Energy?”

“Oh yeah, further into the ‘Game’ as you put it, a champion will turn up to rescue the lost heroes. Nasty little blighter he is, but if you can cleverly reel him in and weaken him… Well I’ll leave that to your imagination. MMUUUHHHAAAA”

“Thank you Mr. Deimos and please, don’t do the evil laugh in here. What are the graphics and sound effects like down in these dungeons?”

  • “Ahem, sorry Doctor. Well the graphics are okay, typical RTS, the characters move around nicely and the AI is pretty good. What more can you want in a dungeon? The music and sound are suitably evil and dungeon like, taken from my own personal collection I might add. They set the scene and do the ‘game’ justice, I suppose.”

“Very good. Would you say that playing Dungeons is enjoyable?”

“Yes, it’s good, it lasts long enough to get stuck into. The humour in some of the levels can crack a smile on your face, not that I would want such a thing unless I’m going to drain you of soul energy of course. I think there is plenty of playability here with some nice additions. Plus it always nice to play the bad guy for once.”

“Well thank you Mr. Deimos. I think we made good progress today. I will rank Dungeons as a nice healthy 8/10 for the good enjoyment factor. Although, I think perhaps, by mixing a few genre’s you never quite hit the nail on the head. But I think Dungeons is still a good game.”

“Thanks Doctor. Did you have fun interviewing me?”

“Yes I did Mr. Deimos, it’s not every day I get to have a psychologist-to-patient chat with a former prince of hell.”

“I thought you did. Mr. Sidekick! Please escort the good doctor here to the torture chamber. MMMUUUHHHAAAA!”

“Nooooooooo.”

Score: 8/10 – Very Good

REVIEW CODE: A complimentary code was provided to Bonus Stage for this review. Please send all review code enquiries to editor@bonusstage.co.uk.

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